A few weeks ago, the very bubbly and intelligent Kate at Imperfectkate introduced herself to me and told me about a really interesting post series happening on her blog. Called Modesty Monday, this series aims to explore different perspectives about modesty from all kinds of women. Naturally, I was honoured when she asked me to write a piece.
So if you’re looking for me, I’m over at Kate’s place (I’m not cheating on you, I swear. I’ll be updating shortly!)
“Oh I love your scarf! It looks so delicate and feminine. Where are you from?” The woman fingered the lace dripping from my hijab before absentmindedly feeling the fabric by rubbing my shoulder. Wide-eyed, I plastered a smile to my face and thanked her – suppressing the urge to shudder at her unwanted touch.
A week later I took a shortcut through an alleyway between some apartments and as he passed me, a man greedily looked me up and down and muttered, “beautiful.” This time I did shudder.
I was completely covered according to one standard of Islamic dress – exposing only my face and my hands. The rest of me was hidden behind a modest black hijab, an ankle length, flowing skirt and a baggy, long-sleeved tunic. Not one curve or strand of hair was exposed.
Regardless, I had drawn unwanted gazes. I was exotified and objectified.
Prior to converting to Islam, I likely would have welcomed the attention – drawing sexual empowerment from people desiring or praising my body. I loved dressing provocatively, with tight and flattering clothing. The attention was thrilling and I often based my self-worth on how others viewed me and not how I felt about myself.
Eventually, Islam filled this emptiness (though my reasons for converting are certainly more complex than just dealing with a fragile self-esteem and body image), and I found solace in the religion’s moral guidance regarding modesty.
April 25, 2012 at 4:26 pm
peace,
i love this post, it’s truly inspiring and i am grateful for the photos, too. i used to look like the first pic, i now dress more like the second. i believe that modesty must be responsive to a cultural experience. in a culture like saudi, showing one’s ears would be permissive (and probably get you beaten in the streets, may God protect us from such deviant extremism) here in the west, a bun style hijab and three quarter legnth sleeves is modest and not going to draw undue attention. it really is all relative… i love woodturtle, keep on writing, sister! thanks!
June 5, 2013 at 6:03 am
salam sister, just a thought on your point about relativity,… you are correct however, the reason why the quran was revealed to a person as opposed to a mountain was that every message needs an example to be projected through and to minimalise the repercussions of relativity in the sense that there is only one correct way in general, however other ways may be accepted as long as you are following a pious scholar, as a scholar who makes a mistake in religion is still rewarded, however in this world of self-infatuation and materialism, we have a tendency to disassociate ourselves from the sunnah with the presumptions that we are somewhat superior beings to those whom have passed, and that we can understand the message of the quran in any language without any prior training ( for example arabic grammer, and then jahili arabic, and maybe some jihili poetry which would help in developing ones quranic arabic skills) if you discuss the topic of language and transmission with a linguist you will understand where im coming from… my main concern was that i dont want you to fall into the trap of putting islam into materialistic categories such that it becomes like a supermarket for you as suggested in a documentary on channel 4… where you have a saudi islam which is to a certain extreme, and then you have a british islam, and an american islam so on and so forth…your islam should be independant from your cultural influences, as for where cultural(american or asian) influence is permissible is in minor issues such as how you recite quran, or how you celebrate your eid, or what culture your clothes are based on….however when you start applying relativity argument to the fundamental concepts in islam, for example salah, or zakah, or covering…..here the prophet sw was quite definitive about about what is expected of a believer although complicated and tiresome it may be to derive a wholesome interpretation on these issues….but im not going to dwell too much on definition, im rather more concerned about a more sensitive issue here, which is understanding who our actions are for…. many women(and men) today seem to think that their covering is relative to the condition of the society around them, this is certainly not the case, when your lord tells you to do something directly in the form of the quran in this case, you should not feel the need to find material justification for his command, rather your heart should be ecstatic that your maker is asking you to do something just as the romeo becomes crazy in love of his beloved…is it not the case that our mind should be in such a condition… you dont look around and say oh nobody on this street so i dont need to cover…i feel that if we guarded our modesty as we do our money we would not be in the state we are in today…so as an example you should not be wearing hijab with the idea that this is what is ok here so il do it, rather you should turn to the quran and hadith, with the help of a knowledgeable person (very hard to find nowadays) and read and think and read again and again, and become lost in deep thought about the message your maker is sending to you, that you may come closer to him….you should desire that you achieve perfection in submission to what he wants and not what society thinks is OK…. for ok may not be enough on that day…. so dont wear your hijab with the intention that as long as your hair is covered youve done enough… the most dangerous part of a woman is not her hair, it is but her zeenah, those curves, the cleavage, that figure, and finally those alluring legs…. which is why the verse 24:31 is so empathic on the issue that not only does it remind men to protect their eyes from it but then also enforces the command upon the women to remove all features that would attract men…. and this is very widely exemplified through the practice of the sahabiya where niqab is an unusual practice with exception for wives of prophet salalahualaihi wasalam ….and the unanimous dress code of the believing women being loose flowing garments in colours that are dull (non fluorescent or vibrant) and plain in design, with minimal artistry, and we know from the narrations that certainly the dress code of the women prior to islam was very revealing with bright colours such as yellow and red etc….and figures revealing and that the head covering was a common even at that point where there was no islam….as you can tell it gets quite complicated once you start digging into this issue…in the end im not saying hijab is number one issue as i would much rather you focused more on ibadah and zikr and that you had a strong connection with your creator…. however understanding the rules laid down by your creator is vital even if you choose not to practice them fully, as one can be forgiven for making mistake but for the one who chooses to openly declares that he knows best what is right and wrong and ignores the the narrations and verses, well it is a dangerous position to be in… what im essentially saying is if a “scholar” turned around tomorrow and told you covering means to wear headscarf,and as long as you are covering the leg and upto just below the neck, it doesnt matter whether you are wearing tight clothes or loose clothes, clothes through which i could draw your body onto paper if i wanted….infact some even say it today, what im asking is would that be OK for you to do, if a “scholar” suggested it was….furthermore is a scholar gave fatwa that you dont need head covering but as long as you “FEEL” modest you can wear whatever you like with whatever justification they might give you…???these is clearly a line from the points that ive highlighted…and it is not relative in cases like this…i would like to exaggerate the importance of protecting your zeenah, that beauty which is apart from your hair…if you women only knew what your zeenah does to the men, you would be extreme and vigilant in your covering …again im sure you probably cover yourself appropriately but rather my concern was that you should be firm in mind about who you are covering for and that allah knows better than his creation what is appropriate for them…just remember the one who made you when he looks at you and sees you dressing to please him, what connection must you have with him at this point? a practicing womans status is one to be envied….Im sure its little long and crazy but i hope it made some sense…!!!jzk ws