Eryn is almost 13 months now. I weighed her this morning and was dismayed to see that she’s lost the 10 ounces that I was so proud she had put on. Now, a part of me is saying, “she threw up yesterday… twice… don’t sweat it, she’ll be back up in no time” and “maybe the stupid scale is off again.”

But my worry is rooted in the fact that at her first year appointment, her pediatrician weighed her, “oh. 20 pounds exactly” and then offered, “you should cut out her night feedings. Breastfeeding overnight is interfering with her caloric intake. It’ll also rot her teeth.”

Masha’Allah, my baby is healthy. She’s lean, but still  a chunky monkey. Her eyes are bright, her hair is lush, she’s active (still not walking though) and really happy. She’s just tiny. And we’re tiny too.

In the womb, Eryn was always average. I gained an average weight, and she was born an average weight (7.11).  She’s always been in the 25th% for height and the 50th% for weight (stupid percentiles). But now that she’s a year, she hasn’t yet tripled her birth weight.

She enjoys food and gets loads of healthy fats, a little too much bread for my liking, and I hide protein in where I can.  Avocados and sour cream is her favourite. In terms of nursing, we simply nurse to sleep — so she’s getting a full nursing for her two naps and at bedtime. She’s increased her night waking, possible because I’m fasting, and occasionally snacks twice before a full nursing at 5am. That’s really only 4 full feedings a 24 hour period.

In terms of solids, she gets breakfast, two lunch snack portions, dinner and another snack. I feed her solids until she refuses and I just don’t force the issue.

I wasn’t really concerned until this morning, and I’d like to be able to tell myself not to worry, not to stress and that she’s going to be just fine. But I can’t help but wonder if cutting out the 5am feed will get her to eat more solids during the day.

My worry is also rooted in the idea that I’m feeling guilty for nursing her to sleep. Maybe I should have been more regimented in helping her transition to sleep without me. But it’s SO BLOODY EASY (comfortable and lovely). The other part of me doesn’t want to give up my ease of sleep just to squeeze in another 100 calories of solids.

Is that selfish? Does cutting out the night feed actually get babies to eat more solids?