“And do not befriend the Christians and the Jews.” This is what the Qur’an says. Youth, please remember this while you’re in school: keep Muslim friends. Having Muslim friends is important. We are mirrors unto each other. When I see you doing something wrong, I will remind you. When you fast and pray, I will be encouraged to fast and pray. The Christians and the Jews will only lead you astray. This is why it is important to have Muslim friends in this country of unbelievers. We remind each other to hold true to our Islamic values.”
What. Since when does holding true to Islamic values mean vilifying others?
I looked around at the other women spread out in our private section of the mosque. No one seemed to be listening. No one was engaged or looked up at me as I tisked and shook my head. A couple were propped up against the wall reading Qur’an; another was trying to control her son who really just wanted to run around in the large carpeted area; but most were just sitting cross-legged on the floor, looking down at their laps, clicking prayer beads, picking dry skin off a toe or dreamily gazing at the one-way, mirrored glass that kept us hidden from the men.
Just another consequence of gender segregation. Though, from what I hear, most men are just as disengaged with the Friday sermons. It’s a rare gem to hear a khutbah that gets you fired-up, excited and shouting praises to God.
I looked over at Eryn who was modelling perfect mosque behaviour for the rambunctious boy. She was sneaking glances at him while making her sock monkey touch its forehead to the ground in mock prostration. I was so thankful that she was too young to understand the hate speech coming from the pulpit.
I sat through the rest of the sermon absolutely seething and thinking about how I had to cut short a meeting with an amazing non-Muslim friend (the fabulous Renee!) in order to make it to Friday prayers on time. And here the khateeb, the community volunteer delivering the sermon, was telling me to stop associating with my friends, my parents, my interfaith partners and my colleagues. Because Muslims are somehow better, more righteous people.
Yes. I can think of many Muslims whom I love hanging out with, who help me become a better person and who are lovely reminders of what it really means to be a tolerant, socially engaged, pious Muslim. People who make me love Islam and who, most importantly, make others feel welcome no matter what.
And then there are those I could do without. Like people who tell me my hijab is wrong, that I shouldn’t touch men and that listening to music, wearing flip flops, makeup or nail polish is haraam. That I should change my name to something more Islamic or Arabic because certainly being named after the smart Charlie’s Angel is a disservice to my faith. That I should work harder at converting my family because I do want to spend the rest of eternity with them, don’t I? Or those who simply deny that there is anything wrong within the Muslim community – that Muslims don’t steal, murder or abuse loved ones.
Most are simply negative comments from self-appointed religious judges personally charged to safeguard the religion from “foreign” toxic practices – resulting in a complete erasure and disservice to the identity and reality of North American Islam.
I’ve never understood this underlying mistrust of anything not related to majority Muslim cultures. What makes baba ghanoush more Muslim than cheddar cheese on apple pie? Why is wearing an abaya more Muslim than modest jeans and a tunic? Of course it’s partly related to post-colonial responses, minority diaspora communities, religious revivalism, and any number of political and social movements over the past century that has influenced a great many ideologies in Muslim belief systems. And while I know that the majority of Muslims don’t actually hate the west or anything non-Muslim, I am consistently surprised that it’s a common theme at the majority of Friday prayers I’ve attended over the past 10 years.
Maybe I’m going to the wrong mosques.
So I spoke with some of the congregation after prayers and asked their opinion on the sermon. Everyone agreed that it wasn’t the best and that they know Christian and Jews (and others) have a protected and respected status in the Qur’an – but that with a rotating list of khateebs, the Friday sermon is really hit or miss.
When I mentioned that the Qur’anic verse was taken completely out of context – that it’s referring to a specific period in 7th century history when some of the new Muslims feared for their safety and wondered if they should gain “protection” by asking Jewish or Christian tribes to become their “lord and master.” So a verse was revealed saying, “You know what? The Christian and Jewish tribes take care of themselves. You’re old enough now and can take care of yourselves too.” The verse is more about having faith in the Muslim community and less about fear mongering that non-Muslims lead people astray.
I wasn’t surprised when there was agreement all around. This interpretation of the verse is not new. So why didn’t anyone say anything? Why were we all so content to sit and condone the sermon with our silence? What special powers do mosque volunteers have to speak with such authority without question?
The Caliph ‘Umar ibn al-Khattab, the second leader of the fledgling Muslim community, was once corrected by a woman who interrupted him in mid sentence just to tell him he was wrong. After he proposed a new restriction to a monetary requirement for marriage, she stood up and recited a verse out of the Qur’an contradicting the restriction. He admitted his error and withdrew the proposal.
Meanwhile the best we could have done was bang on the glass, or heaven forbid, walk into the men’s section and cause a respectful scene, correcting the khateeb while bringing attention to the ridiculousness of keeping the women in another room.
Funny how much more tolerant the seventh century seems to be.
Of course it’s important for Muslim kids to grow up with others who really understand where they’re coming from regarding prayer or fasting and who won’t make an embarrassing comment about their mother’s hijab. But it’s also important to raise them not to feel different or superior to people of other faiths. Not when Islam stresses humility, love for all and that no human can judge the hearts of others.
I have forged amazing friendships over the years with people from all sorts of belief or non-belief systems – and more often than not, they’re usually more concerned with me attending to my religious duties than my fellow Muslims. My non-Muslim friends will do everything in their power to accommodate me. Last Ramadan a dear friend altered her wedding plans to make sure the Hubby could fast on the day of her wedding. Non-Muslim work colleagues constantly remind me to pray on time. And I have been witness to many generous acts of charity from non-Muslims given to the Muslim community.
In all fairness maybe someone approached the khateeb afterwards and told him he should do further research into the matter before teaching isolation and exclusion. But I highly doubt a correction would be announced. Many mosques desperately rely on community volunteers to help guide the community. But it is also up to the community to bring up issues, actively engage and question when things just don’t sound right.
Our leadership must be held accountable for what they say or don’t say. How else can we have faith in the community?
September 22, 2011 at 12:29 pm
Yes, yes, yes! We cannot tollerate mediocrity anymore. Who wants to go to Friday prayers when they leave feeling dejected? As a male friend recently put it, “I don’t need someone to tell me I’m going to Hell.” We need more inspiration to strive to do better. Why did the Prophet (saw) send his followers to Ethiopia to seek protection if we are not to “befriend” Christians?
September 22, 2011 at 12:33 pm
I nominate you to give Khutba!
September 26, 2011 at 10:36 am
Thanks Noora. Insha’Allah! You’ve given me an idea to hold a Khutbah Carnival and ask all you beautiful people to submit your most ideal khutbah.
It’s in the works!
September 22, 2011 at 12:39 pm
Very well put! This sort of thing of taking verses out of context is a big problem nowadays and it can lead to many misconceptions and to intolerant behavior being perpetuated. A bigger problem of course is the fact that many Muslims today don’t bother to study their faith themselves and are therefore more susceptible to being led astray by such misconceptions or erroneous reading of Quranic verses.
September 22, 2011 at 1:19 pm
As always, your observations ring so true for me and I wanted to share a similar story….
I decided to check out a new mosque that was recently built. I enter through the front door as there is no sign to say otherwise and cannot find any indication that there is anyother space for women except for all the men staring unhelpfully. The brothers had no idea how to direct me… I found a door and had to scramble over backpacks and shoes to get to the stairwell leading from the sisters side entrance. Oh well, at least I found it and I make my way upstairs. Ok, so it is small, maybe 20 women can cram in, women sat on the stairs as well. As the white stranger I was pretty much invisible, there was no engagement of any kind. On the wall was a flat screen tv that I assumed would allow us to see the Khutbah. The screen was black and intermittently large letters would flash across the screen. “Connecting…” and then the screen would indicate “Disconnected” in big red letters. It stayed this way the entire khutbah. The khutbah was about not “being like the khafir” and their sinful ways… It was clear he was speaking about “them” and not the “us” who may deny God in favour of the lesser gods of money, power, status, vanity etc. This was about our specialness, just BEING muslim made us better. Dont dress like “them”, dont adopt “their” ways….hey! wait a minute? he was talking about my people too, the greater community I call my own, good people in their own right. So uhhh am I supposed to spice up my english with an accent and lots of arabic thrown in and adopt the clothing of another culture so as not be confused with those who deny Allah? He was so far off the mark I sat with my mouth hanging open and eyes bulging.
Whoa! It was like a conceptual performance piece.
I wont go back because I dont want to leave angry and exasperated.
So I ask myself…how will things change if no one speaks up? How do we do this in a way that is non judgmental, supportive and will foster positive engagement? Do we trust that in time, this need to create these hard lines of otherness will soften? So many people feel this way, how do we participate in the change we want to see?? What to do!
September 26, 2011 at 10:39 am
Ugh. Horrible experience. I honestly don’t understand why so many are like this. I mean really — as the Qur’an says, if you don’t like a place, move. So why come to a country where you are free to worship as you please and trash it?
So many people are un-mosqued because of this. It’s really quite sad.
Thanks for your awesome comment!
September 22, 2011 at 8:19 pm
The Caliph ‘Umar ibn al-Khattab, the second leader of the fledgling Muslim community, was once corrected by a woman who interrupted him in mid sentence just to tell him he was wrong. After he proposed a new restriction to a monetary requirement for marriage, she stood up and recited a verse out of the Qur’an contradicting the restriction. He admitted his error and withdrew the proposal.
I bet the barrier exists SOLELY because men are afraid of this.
Cowards.
September 26, 2011 at 10:46 am
Oh but sister, you’re not supposed to speak during the khutbah anyway. That’s haraam (not true).
Sadpanda.
September 23, 2011 at 1:56 am
I think you have made some great observations. I agree, some of my non-Muslim friends have helped me be a better Muslim than my Muslim friends. I don’t think isolation is the answer.
September 23, 2011 at 9:59 am
Between Nahida and you, I learn more every time you post. And have a better understanding of feminism in Islam, as well. Thanks!
September 24, 2011 at 2:02 pm
I left a church because of this type of thinking. Now, I had been upset because the pastor insisted on telling us that “The Catholics added books to the Bible!” (not true,) and insisted that women ought to passively follow their husbands (…eek!) When the Sunday School youth leader started telling us that we should not have friends who were different from us (read: non-Evangelical, gay, or non-Christian…even a Christian of a different type, like Lutheran or something!) I left. I never went back.
My Pagan friends (and a Muslim friend I have sadly lost contact with,) have all supported my conversion into Christianity better than most Christians I know. 🙂
September 26, 2011 at 10:44 am
Funny how that happens!
September 24, 2011 at 11:25 pm
[…] to reclaim it (or else build my own) but the post, in conjunction with woodturtle’s “keeping our leaders accountable” is an excellent summary of all the things I find unbearably irritating about attending […]
September 26, 2011 at 11:31 am
Those kinds of khutbahs are so frustrating, because especially as a “young” muslimah, I enter a masjid hoping to learn something new. It’s really sad to come out feeling negative and frustrated. I think I need to spend more time at the Jerrahi dergah.
The last time I went watch-shopping I was tired and wanted to get in and get out, and if it weren’t for the (atheist, ex-catholic) friend who was with me, I might have bought a watch with a pigskin strap! Neither myself nor the store owner (also a muslim) had noticed!
September 26, 2011 at 4:01 pm
The part about Eryn teaching her sock monkey how to pray just about made me DIE of happiness. I agree with everything you are saying, of course, but it was Eryn’s proper behavior that will stick with me for the rest of the week.
September 29, 2011 at 11:02 pm
You should name and shame the mosque where this happened.
This needs to be stopped.
October 2, 2011 at 4:22 pm
salams,
My proposal – start your own Juma’ah! That’s what my husband and I did, we only invited khatibs who we knew and were more open-minded to give the khutbas, and people came. We worked with a local church to get space, and they were kind enough to give us the space for free for at least a year since it goes hand in hand with their bridging the faith agenda. Mashallah, it’s beautiful, especially since we know almost everyone who comes so it feels like a real community, it’s lovely to see everyone once a week!Those who understand and share the same ideals come and those who don’t go to the other mosque in the next door town that propagates a much more closed and conservative version of Islam.
I think everyone should do this, if you’re not happy with what your local mosque offers, then start your own community, start with your friends and you will find many others will join you who share in your frustrations with the local mosque. You can start meeting at people’s homes or at a church/community center and see where Allah guides you!
Bil tawfiq, inshallah!
October 2, 2011 at 4:26 pm
PS – Previously I tried to battle my local Muslim organization and to change it from the inside. I actually caused quite a lot of changes, as well as tensions and conflicts between community members (although of course, I might have been the catalyst, but people are responsible for their own actions). At the end of the day, it didn’t work, the conservative ignorant people remain the same, just more bitter, and the more open-minded people feel marginalized and frustrated and have no mosque or Muslim group to call home. Because they are connected to the Muslim organization financially they are reluctant to leave it completely, leaving them in a kind of limbo.
The lesson from this, don’t try to battle the mosque shura/administration, it will take all of your time and energy and you will most probably lose. Let those people dwell in their tight, closed community and start your own community from scratch, that way you get to decide on the rules (or lack thereof) and create a truly inclusive, women-friendly Muslim group/mosque, inshallah!
October 3, 2011 at 5:25 pm
I thinks that’s brilliant and love how you started your own jamaat. With interfaith points to boot!
I know sometimes it’s difficult for people to start (or join) “offshoot” or “alternative from the conservatives” groups because sadly, those in charge of the mosque seem to have a monopoly on “authenticity.”
Did you ever come across that? Or show to others that you were more than just a motley crew?
A group of students created their own jamaat during my time in university because they weren’t happy at the mosque, but some still felt marginalized and that it was just an opportunity for those complaining about the problem to get together to complain. While the people of the mosque still got to have access to clear, precise arabic recitation, the mosque and of course, visiting scholars.
I’d live to come to your jamaat!
October 10, 2011 at 7:30 pm
Ugh, exactly. As a new Uni student, I went to the on campus masjid for Friday prayers and was sorely disappointed at the hellfire and kafirun themed khutba. Teenagers and young adults can be a rebellious lot, I doubt this is the way to reach them spiritually.
I am however, glad for the curtain at times. In a room packed with men and only five Muslimahs, I have no doubt that our space would have been infringed upon. Also, I like men to *not* know when I’m menstruating but just go to listen to the khutbah! They should just close it for prayer or something.
October 11, 2011 at 1:43 pm
Hi Leila!
I hear you on that. At my uni musallah the area was TIGHT. Literally my head would brush the back of some bloke’s feet if it weren’t for the curtain. Though, now that I think about it, if the room were separated along the length, instead of women praying at the back, we’d all probably have more room to work with and the women wouldn’t have to take turns praying. huh. Go figure.
The barrier does have a time and a place — and I know many sisters who do not feel comfortable praying unless they are hidden.
October 17, 2011 at 9:03 pm
Salaamun alaikum
Valuable comments and an experience well worth recounting and reflecting upon.
The danger is in believing, ever, that we are always right. I pray that we seek the courage and strength from the Almighty to act or speak in aid of that which is right and against that which is wrong. And certainly tear down the walls physical and invisible in our masajid that prevent Islam in all it’s veuty to manifest. If a woman could correct Omar, surely no man today will claim to be a better man than he. Let alone that the Rasool of Allah ( SAW ) did not deign it fit to build a wall.
Occasionally, perhaps, Allah ( SWT ) who is Al-Haadi – the One who Guides – might test us by putting true guidance for us into the mouths of those we bemoan for putting up such walls or making blanket statements with which we reasonably question. A true believer tries to submit to Allah alone.
Even if the advice we are given is from someone we do not respect for some reason let us view the advice on it’s own merit. Let us discard our pride. Let us yearn to be ever closer to our Rabb. Perhaps He will then answer other duahs, makes us reflect his Noor, make our families the coolness of our eyes and grant us the highest place in Jannat.
As a man I truly pray that Allah guides my fellow brothers to be true men and, in seeking to emulate the Sunnah of Nabi Muhammad ( SAW ), welcome the involvement and appropriate interaction of women in civic life and the masjid and strive for ever greater modesty on OUR part as well so that this is a boon to us all and never a trial.
I pray that the sisters in Islam are given Sabr where they are wronged now and rewarded mightily. I pray that they are blessed with true education in Deen and become scholars as occurred unremarkably in times past and shun any inclination to the misguided and destructive aspects of modern feminism out of frustration.
I pray that we all refer our disputes to Allah and His Guidance through the Quran and the pure authentic teachings and saying of His Final Messenger.
I pray we all ask for our intentions to be purified in all that we write and say and do.