As much as I’m salivating to add some snark to a weekly roundup (tomorrow!) — I’m terribly preoccupied with the coming end of my pregnancy and the hopeful birth of a healthy baby insha’Allah.
Actually, what’s been on my mind of late is the preoccupation of my body by the world at large (or so it seems).
Daily emails remind me to do my kegels to help with delivery, maintain my pelvic floor and ensure not only urine retention later on, but some pretty great sex to boot. I’m told not to lift Eryn while I pray or risk having the baby at the mosque. Targeted advertisements on Google and Facebook remind me that I too can get my pre-pregnancy body back in the first six weeks after baby arrives. Am I eating enough? Eat well, but stay away from Sushi, cold cuts, hot dogs, feta, brie, coffee, tea, chocolate, pop, rare steak, poached eggs, and salad bars. Strangers balk at my size and can’t believe I’m due next week (or tomorrow… who knows!) — surely I have at least another month to go… where AM I hiding this baby?
And at this very moment, my dear Hubby just reminded me to sit on my exercise ball instead of slouching on the couch. As much as I really want to balance my fifth peanut butter cookie on my belly while I write, I know he’s only thinking of my inevitable groin pain the second I stand up.
Policing. Preoccupation. Heaven forbid I indulge in a little veggie sushi (or a California roll made with Tilapia-based-fake-crab), drink a large tea, not fit into my bikini by beach season, or birth a petite baby. Because getting caught doing any of these things means I’m just not good enough. Right? Why else bombard me with pictures and stories of women who are “doing it right?” It’s just a little healthy competition. Right?
People love the preoccupation with baby weight. The heavier the better (but not TOO heavy). Heavy means healthy. We proclaim the baby’s weight with the first announcement: Name, Time of Birth, Weight, Mom and Baby are doing fine. So I learned quickly that telling people I was carrying a small baby gained me more raised eyebrows than anticipated.
So today while venting about all of these issues, my mom reminded me of her own birth.
She was born at 28 weeks and weighed only three pounds. Northern Germany in 1944 didn’t have neonatal intensive care units — so she went home after seven days. Her parents lined a leather shopping bag with some bedding and kept her behind their coal burning stove just to keep her warm. For food they gave her cows milk mixed with sugar and corn starch. She was so tiny that whenever they hid in the bomb shelter, people thought her mother was hiding a kitten in her bag.
And she turned out just fine.
April 27, 2012 at 11:22 am
3 pounds at 28 weeks is huge! and humans are terribly resilient creatures.
Kegels suck. Squatting is better. š
April 27, 2012 at 10:51 pm
That they are! And I agree — squatting is my personal fav.
April 27, 2012 at 2:03 pm
That is quite the birth story your mother has!
April 27, 2012 at 4:19 pm
That is one fabulous belly my friend :). It looks so big! You know an elder in the family told me her first born weighed 2 lbs at birth because he was born very premature, and I was shocked that when she told me she kept him in a shoe box lined with bedding behind their oven to keep him warm. This too was in the 40s. Scary huh?
Nice bassinet!
April 27, 2012 at 10:54 pm
So scary — but it worked! Totally different from how things are done today.
The bassinet was a seriously wonderful second hand find online.
April 27, 2012 at 8:12 pm
“Iām just not good enough. Right?” Wrong!
I’m a 34-year-old married woman who does not have any children and I am constantly being reminded of this fact. Unfortunately, preoccupation has many faces and it’s up to us to ignore it all.
You’re doing everything that’s right for you, your baby and your family.
All the best for the upcoming birth of your beautiful new child. It’s such a special time for you all! š
April 27, 2012 at 10:39 pm
totally agree. I am a 28 year old married woman with no children and get the same thing.
April 27, 2012 at 11:27 pm
Yep — agreed. Bodies in general somehow enter into interesting spaces where anyone feels the need to comment. Unmarried partners, married women with one child (when are you having a second), married women with no children, unmarried women, pregnant women having some wine, etc, etc, etc.
@Justine de Jonge thanks for the pep talk!
April 28, 2012 at 8:08 am
In 1989 my sister was driven home from the hospital after her back surgery in a cardboard box at one month old. This was along the 401 š There was really nothing else my parents could do under the circumstances, but I do find it funny they had me, the eight year old, holding the box in place.
May 2, 2012 at 11:26 am
Amazing! But I’m sure you were a very responsible 8 year old š
April 29, 2012 at 4:47 am
My sister in law was born very premature in Jerusalem, and her family didn’t have the money to keep her hospital. My then 16 year old mother in law (already with a one year old) took her back to Ramallah in Palestine, kept her covered in olive oil and cotton wool, which she changed every four hours, for three months. She kept her in absolute isolation for 8 weeks.
Both mother and sister in law are. three decades later, healthy, happy and strong in faith. Sometimes we lose perspective. But alhamdulillah for the immense blessing and comfort of access to health care and a comfortable home, eh? All the best for you and your baby inshallah.
May 2, 2012 at 11:24 am
That’s an amazing story! Thanks for sharing it.
And thank you for your well wishes.