I’ve been monitoring a parental dilemma unfold from the sidelines. In between diffusing toddler tantrums and bleary-eyed, marathon nursing sessions at dawn, I’ve watched lactivists and parents alike discuss, support and deride the following image:
Who nurses their child like this?
Now on it’s own, to me this picture conveys a sense of breastfeeding empowerment — mama Jamie Lynne Grumet isn’t going to let anyone tell her to put her boob away or that once kids have teeth they should be eating only solids. She’s a tough cookie, but the image also borders on militancy — with the boy’s army fatigues and that odd, staring, slightly frightened look in his eyes.
I mean, TIME magazine COULD have used this image instead from their full photoshoot:
Yes! Like this! Snuggles, oxytocin and relaxed sighs for everyone!
But with that headline, it’s pretty clear TIME wanted to stir the pot and what better way to cause a controversy than by pitting parents against each other? Did you bottle feed formula to your baby? Guess you’re not mom enough. Are you a single father? Guess you’re not mom enough. Do you own a stroller? Guess you’re not mom enough. Media-generated mommy wars abound, and if you can believe it, calls to Social Services for the mother getting her jollies from sticking her breast in her child’s mouth.
I mean really, Attachment Parenting drives mothers to extremes (and only mothers because I guess siblings, fathers, extended families and partners don’t play a part in this nutty form of parenting) by encouraging co-sleeping, baby wearing and *gasp* extended breastfeeding? That by-line sounds like a new TLC show: Babes with Boobs, eXXXtreme breastfeeding!
There have been many brilliant pieces written about this controversial TIME cover. And if you aren’t already sick and tired of hearing about it, here’s a quick roundup of some of my favourite pieces:
- Responding to negative responses from the controversy, Diana at Normal, Like Breathing, writes a heart wrenching post about nursing her 4 year old daughter when breastmilk was the only thing she could keep down after having craniofacial surgery.
- Lisa Belkin at the HuffPo states, It’s Not Porn People, It’s Food and tells people to chillax over the nursing breast, and advocates for better maternity leave, lactation laws and nursing rooms.
- Blossom star Mayum Bialik talks about Attachment Parenting, extended breastfeeding and media sensationalizing AND sexualising breastfeeding on CNN.
- Annie from Phd in Parenting concisely breaks down all of the issues with the controversy, media-generated wars and the damage done to the perception of breastfeeding and Attachment Parenting.
- Even the New Yorker weighs in with a piece on breastfeeding images and includes a fantastic picture from 1852.
May 15, 2012 at 6:30 pm
I think the controversy all comes down to the inability of some people to reconcile the fact that our private parts, unlike men’s, have dual modes: work and play 😛 Most of the comments I’ve heard from men about breastfeeding or even giving birth (another zone both fun and utilitarian!) seem to stem from this difficulty. It might be an issue for women who have not had kids yet too, or who don’t want to view their bodies this way… there sure seems to be a lot of emphasis lately on returning to a “pre-baby, ‘sexy’ body” as soon as possible after giving birth. That is, a body that looks like it’s just for fun and the “baby related parts” have never been used for practical purposes, as if pretending that body did not change to do a job, and it has another role besides sexy. I’m not sure why it’s so difficult for these two concepts to co-exist in people’s minds. We can use our mouths for both chewing food and kissing (without that much pause between) without anybody balking.
May 15, 2012 at 10:32 pm
Yes exactly! I spend a total of 5 minutes a day nursing Eryn to sleep before bedtime, and hours feeding or preparing solids for her. Both are nourishing and caring actions of a mother — but you’d never see a nursing mother feeding her 4 year old a sandwich on the cover of a magazine.
The Belkin article really sums up your point: “Can we look at a woman nursing and think “lunch”? Yes, there is a nipple involved. But a breast in use to feed a child is no more titillating than a vagina being used to give birth to one. We have learned to stop blushing at the sight of a pregnant woman. It’s more than time to give nursing mothers the same break.”
May 15, 2012 at 10:25 pm
The United States population including media have such puritanical ways in some regards but balanced by some pretty active voyeuristic ones as well. We talk a great game in USA about being family and child centered, but really it’s mostly just talk. If you cannot work your 40-60+ hours weekly regardless of family you go nowhere in this society! Family is fine but capitalism does not admit of it!
May 15, 2012 at 10:37 pm
Great observation Joe.
I read today that the US is one of four countries in the world that does not have a mandated paid maternity leave policy in place — the other three being Papa New Guinea, Swaziland, & Lesotho.
May 19, 2012 at 9:18 am
I don’t want to defend the US as I find the maternity leave situation there appalling, but I’ve been seeing that same fact about mat leave laws on social media a lot and I think the reality is much more complicated. Korea has a very explicit mat leave law but a great many women don’t get it/take it because ‘law’ means different things in different places. I personally was told ‘Korea has a law but it’s not that well established’ while it was being suggested to me that I should just quit and be re-hired back in September when the new semester starts so that nobody would have extra work to do filing the paperwork and that. Also, I believe it’s something like 1% of fatgers take the one year parental leave allowance, and anecdotally. It is only taken by men transitioning from one job to another as they would never be accepted back into their work environment. So what I’m saying is that while most countries may have mat leave on paper, I’m quite certain a great many countries are actually just as bad or worse than the US in actually implementing, encouraging, and accepting parental leave.
May 19, 2012 at 9:58 am
You’re right that the law means different things in different places. Even with a year maternity and 65% coverage of salary, Canada’s mat leave has problems.
2 years ago there was a huge story when a radio personality returned to work after 6 weeks because anything more would result in the death of her career.
And the 65% only benefits those who can live off that reduced salary. Even at the government level, I know women who take only 3 months because they need 100% of their salary to survive. And women who take reduced leave are lucky to find an employer who will allow them extra time to pump breast milk at work.
Kuwait* also only covers 90 days, but at least the coverage is 100%. (*well… Not for domestic servants who have to leave their 3 day old babies back home and come to work with milk still dripping from their breasts. Sigh.)
I agree the issue is more complex.
May 16, 2012 at 1:39 am
I just finished reading Normal, Like Breathing. What a beautiful and informative piece. The title struck me, because in my throws of breastfeeding devastation and even until this moment as I type this, I remember telling my husband through my tears over and over that I couldnt explain why bfing was so important to me; i told him the desire to nurse my infant was as strong, needful and instinctive as breathing. powerful stuff- and it’s so mind boggling to me why extended breastfeeding or the utilities of breasts draw so much negative attention. And I agree with you, I think the time cover photo exploits the issue- it doesn’t put it I. The limelight. Awesome job- I can’t believe you pulled this together so soon.