There was a time when I would wear layers of heavy makeup, hiding behind a gothic, sexy demure because I thought my value as a woman lay only in receiving attention for my sexuality.
Media and technology are delivering content that is shaping our society… they’re shaping our children’s brains and lives and emotions.
There was a time when I would abuse stimulant diet teas and spend two hours daily at the gym just to give myself the permission to eat.
The fact that Media are so limiting and so derogatory to the most powerful women in the country — then what does it say about Media’s ability to take any woman in America seriously.
There as a time when I thought my value as a woman was tied up in my hijab and in the natural, inherent, biological sex roles originally determined by patriarchy and phrased with obedience to the Divine as the ideal way to live as a Muslim.
If people knew that Cuba, China, Iraq and Afghanistan have more women in government than the United States of America… that would get some people upset.
I have no doubt that the Media will effect the way Eryn lives her life. I want her to grow up loving and devouring books, but fear she’ll be part of a generation of babies who believe every LCD screen is touch-enabled to provide hours of educational and mindless entertainment.
She has never watched television outside of a football game or the 6 o’clock news (okay, maybe one or two Bollywood Soaps and one episode of Doctor Who). Eryn knows who Thomas the Tank Engine, Dora and Caillou are only because she sees their pictures on the library wall. But she knows the Babies documentary off by heart and has watched the new Winnie the Pooh movie about 18 times. Last week we introduced to her to a 1980s Anime production of Heidi — dubbed and subtitled in Arabic. We don’t have cable — and we’re generally conscious about they types of media entertainment she’s being exposed to. But the consumption of Media is ubiquitous.
My heart falls when I grab her navy blue t-shirt and she says, “No mama, boy!” I have no idea how she picked that up, since I have never made gender distinctions about her clothes.
We take turns grabbing and loving our tummy rolls and I’ve taught her that a jiggly bum is fun and wonderful. But I’m just waiting for the day when she comes home from school to tell me that so-and-so can throw-up on demand. Or when she weighs herself with a sigh.
As a parent, I’m trying to shield and guide Eryn the best I can. For discussions on the Media portrayal of women versus a woman’s real worth, I know Islamic principles valuing mind over body, education over ego, and humility over flamboyancy will help. But it’s not only the Media I worry about.
I also worry about popular stories and myths, “innocent” comments from family and friends and most certainly, what she will hear and experience as a woman in the mosque. Until now, I’ve never really felt the enormity of what it means to raise a little Muslim feminist.
These thoughts came pouring out after watching this brilliant clip from the documentary Miss Representation. I don’t often do PSAs, but if you haven’t already seen this — it’s a must watch.
Miss Representation Trailer on Vimeo.
Hat tip to the always fabulous Fatemeh Fakhraie.
October 17, 2011 at 12:37 pm
At the end of the day is to hope that your voice is the loudest and drowns out the clamoring of all those negative voices that will impede on her psyche. It may feel like nagging on your side at some point…but think of it more like a little voice whispering in her ear..every day, every chance you get. Leave no opportunity to teach an important message about something she sees or hears. She may roll her eyes or shrug her shoulders then…but some will stick…just make sure the part that does is conductive to furthering her development and cognitive skills. It’s the most you can hope and work for.
October 17, 2011 at 11:22 pm
I loooove Jean Kilborne! Her whole “Killing Us Softly” series is amazing.
October 18, 2011 at 6:33 am
[…] our landscape and to really shatter the glass ceiling lies in changing the way we view our world. How we raise our kids, how we negotiate our entitlement to space and how we start to realise that diversity isn’t […]
October 19, 2011 at 1:09 pm
Excellent post my friend. I have a son and daughter (3 and 1 respectively) and it is very hard to find age appropriate, wholesome media sources. We screen everything and monitor everything they see. We just cancelled cable! Yay! Although my kids never watched it, now its impossible 🙂 I, on the other hand, became engrossed in BRAVO Housewives, and I found my own perception of my own body and self worth changing! How awful! I rely on DVDs (english and arabic) and PBS for my children’s programming, such as Thomas the Train, Barney, Sesame Street, Curious George or Sid the Science Kid. I am OK with it because it is commercial free which is very important not only to limit media influence, but I truly believe all those commercial breaks interfere with a childs ability to focus and concentrate. My issue with Thomas, is that the majority of of the Engines are male, judging by tone of voice and names, all the track controllers, engineers, and guest characters are always male. There are a handful of female Engines, and while they have important jobs, there really isnt a focus on them. My son has a love afair with this program. I do allow him to watch it and have the trains in our home it because it is gentle, loving and there is no violence, no strong words (like hate, kill, shut-up, name calling etc…)
I find Nickelodeon and most of Disney to be objectionable for my littles. Nick Jr has some decent programming, but not all of it is age appropriate. As for as regular cable television goes- its horrific, horrendous, deragatory, offensive, sexual, violent and totally inappropriate for young adults and teenagers. I do not understand how things got so bad??? And the availability of this crap on this internet and mobile devices is even easier to access.
Its quite frightening when you think about it.
Related to your post, but not so much my comment….Beauty Pagaents are ridiculous- and I will never understand what forces are at play to make a mother force her toddler into it. It is sending the wrong message to these children and I feel sorry for them.
Im so happy with our decision to get rid of cable. SO HAPPY. We will keep news and PBS for Mommy and Baba lol.
October 20, 2011 at 9:45 pm
Thanks for this MM! We don’t have cable, but somehow Thomas the Tank Engine ended up in the house, and some good ‘ol Canadian programming to boot.
Eryn is terrified of anything Disney — except maybe one song from Alladin or the Lion King. Anything to do with princesses she burrows into me — usually when the old hag, witch makes an appearance (ah sexist ageism. tuning generations fearful of their grand and step mothers. Thanks Disney)
And beauty pageants baffle me completely.
October 20, 2011 at 3:52 pm
I want to see this documentary so badly. Thanks for sharing.
October 20, 2011 at 4:12 pm
I used to watch the Heidi anime when I was little and living in Medina! Ah, nostalgia. I think books are always better for kids than TV shows. But even with books, you have to be very careful. Children’s literature is absolutely amazing right now but as they grow up, they’ll start reading young adult fiction and save for a few books, most of it is ABSOLUTE trash. It’s literally the written version of those trashy TV shows. Even if the YA book has a female protagonist, she’s portrayed as an intellectual dolt of sorts and is shown as emotionally incomplete until she meets the right man who is usually an arrogant, obnoxious guy who infuriates the girl but she ends up falling for him anyways. Basically, it’s like a perverted version of Pride & Prejudice where Mr. Darcy never realizes his pride and Lydia is the heroine rather than Elizabeth. Hermione from Harry Potter has been the only mainstream female literary character so far who comes close to being a good role model for girls. The rest (Twilight, Immortal Instrument series, Hush series) have such trivial female characters, no wonder our teenage girls and boys feel like the epitome of youth is their sexuality. So even with books, a parent has to be careful. Because Gossip Girl was a book series first before it got turned into a TV show.
When I was young, my mother gave me abridged versions of the classics to read and in mainstream fiction, she introduced me to mystery fiction like Nancy Drew and Hardy Boys. She never took away TV from my life though but I always watched TV with her supervision. I was allowed to watch TV with her too but she mostly watched documentaries or craft/ cooking shows or the news. When I turned 17, she let me watch whatever I wanted but I had absolutely no interest in the mainstream shows. That’s what she’s taught me too in terms of raising kids, she always says that never deprive your child of what other kids are doing but cultivate better taste in them from the beginning because then they will never be attracted to the trivial things to begin with and teach them to make wise choices for themselves.
Also, I think the only reason the media has such a big presence in our kids’ lives is because the parents are absent. Parents can’t expect vapid DVDs and movies and TVs and books to raise their child. Parents need to be a positive and involved presence in the developing years of their children’s lives. Introduce them to the wonders of nature, the beauty of the written word, respect for other people, but also teach them about the ugly side of life because a sheltered existence is the worst possible thing to raise a child in.
October 20, 2011 at 9:54 pm
Agreed 100% And your mom sounds like a very wise woman.
I’ve heard that the more TV a child watches, the less quickly they develop communications skills and the more likely they’ll become introverted. I can’t substantiate this claim though. When we watch videos with Eryn, I try to engage her with the story — asking her questions about what’s going on, who her favourite character is and why (Eyeore! Tail!) and then trying to get her to retell the story to me at a later time in her own words. It is important for parents to get in there and help children to develop their active viewing skills and to question when something is racist, sexist or demeaning to others.
Most of the YA books I grew up with seemed to have strong female characters in it: Madeleine L’Engle, Judy Blume, Vivien Alcock — but it would be interesting to reread them now to see if they stand up to memory. And like yourself, I was into the classics at a young age. I skipped the whole “Babysitter’s Club” and “Sweet Valley High” books completely.