I just wanted to say thank you again for hanging around.
I know you’re out there because I’m still receiving emails and comments from people asking when I’ll start posting regularly again — and I see the statistics of visitors interested in my posts. Though the most popular searches seem to be whether or not Muslim women can show their hair or pray while menstruating — and strangely, my post on Cinderella: an Islamic Tale has Google’s most popular image of the Disney Princess herself.
But I also wanted to apologize.
For almost four years I’ve put a lot into this blog. I’ve made amazing connections around the globe. Connections that I am extremely thankful for. And I’ve learned a lot from you, my readers. The people who call me out when I make mistakes; who leave phenomenal comments and start interesting discussions; who send me notes, and cards, and baby blankets; who meet me on Skype to chat; who go out of their way to jump on a London train and travel to a small UK town, totally jet-lagged after an earlier flight from South Africa — just to meet me for an afternoon meal and some impromptu wedding planning; who have tracked me down on Facebook and approached me at concerts; who lurk behind the anonymity of the internet, becoming just another visitor stat on my blog. I have learned so much from each and every one of you.
I’m apologizing because I unplugged and didn’t tell you.
I’ve been struggling the past six months with my digital connections. First it was pulling back from Facebook. Then Twitter. And then unintentionally, the blog. I haven’t quite put my finger on why I became overwhelmed with social media, but I think it started when digital trends seemingly demanded that I should write on the flavor of the month, the-most-popular-topic-relating-to-Muslim-women-right-now-OMG-look-Buzzfeed-has-an-article-and-here’s-a-viral-video-scandal, and not for myself or for you.
So I unplugged.
I deleted all my apps. I stopped thinking about life in terms of status updates, hashtag activism, and what people might find interesting because everyone on Facebook was talking about some popular topic, only to jump on another one the next day. I bought a journal and started retraining my hand in the physical act of writing.
I haven’t completely plugged back in. I need to figure *stuff out — like dealing with the irony of using a social platform to grapple with my sudden aversion to digital streams of communication. Or the fact that I keep writing posts like this.
But I just wanted to update you after a month of silence. And let you know that I will be writing again.
Thank you again for your patience while I figure things out.
In the meantime, it’s been a busy month.
We bought a house! Masha’Allah, alhamdulillah. We moved from the “big city” to a “village” — and I spent a week packing up memories, leaving spaces where we have grown as a family, and dealing with change.
There were more than a few crying spells due to stress. I like having roots and change of the moving kind makes me feel a little floaty. I need grounding. I need to know that my keys are “here” and my hijabs are right “there.” It may sound a little infantile, but I feel better when I have some measure of control over the space around me.
I also need to find my spring clothes — otherwise I’ll be in sweaters for the next few weeks.
But with change comes new memories. And the most important thing is that the girls now have a bigger space to grow and learn alhamdulillah. Already they’ve decided that being outside is their most favourite thing ever — and they love knocking on the door playing “mail delivery service” or helping me dig up the garden.
We also get to do a lot more things as a family. Going outside for a walk in a residential area where there are children playing, live entertainment, and ice cream shoppes just seems so “normal.” Our new normal anyway.
It’ll be fun exploring this new phase of our lives — and I hope to share it with you as well.
*stuff includes a whole slew of considerations. Like, we had a really drawn out winter. We moved. I took on a new position at work. I’m feeling even more disconnected from the Muslim community. I don’t feel like myself. There was change everywhere. I hope I don’t sound too first-world-whiny over what seems to be a really insignificant thing. I’m just sharing my feelings on one point, without a lot of the supporting context. Especially when there seems to be so many positive things happening! The situation could be much, much worse. I know this.