The day my friend took off hijab was disappointing. While everyone was offering congratulations on the new look, I couldn’t help wonder if my friend was having a crisis of faith. And when I asked if everything was okay, I learned a secret truth that sent me reeling.
He never wore hijab in the first place.
It was naive assumptions that led me to stereotype my friend as the “type of Muslim” who sports a beard out of religiosity, modesty and a reflection of his spiritual commitment. But I can’t really be blamed for doing so, can I? He was president of the Muslim Students’ Association, led prayer, gave the occasional khutbah, took religious courses, and embraced being a recognizable Muslim.
And while his beard changed shape over the many years of our friendship — from a sleek Hollywood beard to a goatee and back again — it just seemed like a natural assumption that his beard was worn to follow the Sunnah. If he was outwardly “religious” in all other aspects of worship, shouldn’t his beard be a reflection of his inner hijab?
Nope. I was absolutely guilty of stereotyping a person based on their visuality.
It turns out he grew a beard “because.” Just because. Because he could. Because it was stylish, comfortable for his skin and something guys did. I imagine having a beard also helped my friend gain some kind of authenticity at the mosque and within the community — even though that probably wasn’t his intention in wearing one. And as he didn’t wear it out of religious motivation, shaving it off was no big deal.
In fact, after speaking to several colleagues with various opinions and styles of “beard,” it seems like any sort of facial hair, or lack thereof, can exist without much commentary from others.
Sure there are naseeha-concerned-advice-giving-types who correct people on prayer, police women’s clothing and comment on beard length — everything from “that beard makes you look like an extremist” to “it is haraam to keep a cleanly shaved face.” Some experience extreme social and family pressures regarding the hair growing powers of their beard follicles, or are shunned outright by communities for having baby smooth skin. And the stereotypical image of a bearded Muslim is often used to incorrectly represent extremism, terrorism, and overall make things very difficult. With grave seriousness, having a long beard is sometimes grounds for being insulted, harassed and viciously attacked.
But there is a huge discrepancy between the type of attention given to the “proper way to hijab” and the “proper way to beard” — especially when looking at the online narrative.
There’s sweet, positive and encouraging:
There’s guilt-tripping and fearmongering:
There’s emasculation and threats:
Have pity on those poor brothers, because you know they can’t control themselves. Veiled rape threats people. Right there.
Hipster irony and slut-shaming:
And these gems:
There are literally only 10 images targeted toward men and countless images for women (you can find more here, here, here, here, here, as well as the brilliantly offensive devolution of modesty). And then there’s this masterpiece:
Beards are awesome. Beards fight cancer. They have badass Hollywood buy-in. Beards look intelligent, manly, and cool. The worst out of the “proper way to beard” trend is a little guilt for not following the Sunnah. Where are the memes making fun of one’s God consciousness by measuring beard length? Where are the videos with Satan tempting a man to trim his beard closer to his jaw line? Where is the hellfire condemnation for stylizing facial hair?
[As an aside: Both men and women are commanded by the Qur’an to maintain their modesty. And while one, generalized understanding presents the beard as a “natural disposition” for men — separate from the requirement to cover their private parts — there is also the opinion that the beard is an important part of a man’s modest dress, or his hijab. So it’s not good enough to argue away the double standard in Internet memes by saying there are differences in opinion over the beard, because the same can be said about hijab. Besides, it’s not cool to comment on anyone’s hijab or beard. And really not cool to pretend to know how God will Judge anyone — especially in a cheesy Internet meme.]
In this online narrative hijabis receive the message that there is only one type of hijab and only a “true muslimah” wears it. Women who don’t wear the hijab aren’t even factored into the equation. They don’t register on the pious Muslim scale, except to slander and shame women who wear the “wrong” type of hijab.
Who is deciding what constitutes the “right” hijab and a “true Muslim woman?” According to more than one of the infographics, the judgement comes from our fellow “brothers in Islam.” Not scholars. Not women. Not God. It sets a dangerous precedent when men feel they can freely comment on and define women’s bodies. These memes and infographics are shared thousands of times over social media. They’re fun, fresh, snappy cartoons — reinforcing the message that women have no agency to decide what makes a good hijab for them, whether fully covered or not at all.
This proper hijab narrative completely sexualizes the headscarf and standards of modesty — turning fellow Muslims into slut-shamming caricatures responsible for the chastity of men. The additional unfortunate subtext of this trend, is that even when women wear hijab according to the requirements of the Sunnah, they’re still not covered enough. Condemned to hell via a whore/Madonna hijab dichotomy.
It would be so nice if people could practice their ideals of modesty without this baggage showing up on Tumblr and Facebook. To be modest and Muslim “just because.” Because it’s stylish or comfortable or just to create a personal connection to the Divine.
May 31, 2013 at 10:56 am
Seriously this post really hits home. Brilliantly said. We can’t judge. Period.
June 1, 2013 at 12:02 pm
Well done Woodturtle! I think making the parallel between hijab/beard narratives and highlighting their differences is important for addressing entrenched gender inequities are in our communities. Thank you.
June 3, 2013 at 9:31 pm
This post really affected me. I feel so frustrated sometimes because i want to be a “good” muslim but with all the guilttripping from our fellow muslims, i start to feel miserable and trapped in the religion. That is not how we should be made to feel, that is not the peaceful iman we should have in our hearts. Absolutely no room for individual expression or physical comfort?!? Sigh. I know that not every muslim agrees with these memes, and there are many badass muslimahs rocking unique, colorful and still modest islamic attire, but these memes still get shared. There is a lot of guilt and shame among our ummah and it saddens me. Thank you for talking about this, woodturtle. It’s good to know i’m not crazy for being the more “liberal” type…..
June 4, 2013 at 2:52 pm
It is frustrating! And digging oneself out of the guiltripping can really be arduous and taxing on one’s faith! I remember a time when, while I put on hijab for God, the style was definitely to please other Muslims. It didn’t take long before I hated what I was doing and was completely alienated from myself, my hijab, and the community.
I know people find a lot of good in these images (identity, pride, validation) — but it shouldn’t be at the expense of belittling, shaming, and in effect backbiting others.
Great comment Narjis!
June 7, 2013 at 3:40 am
[…] and ‘improper’ hijab. I reccommend reading the full piece, entitled “beard memes and the proper hijab narrative”. wood turtle’s post includes several examples of this online trend, so go check it out! […]
June 7, 2013 at 9:27 am
this ROCKS! and so do you!! mashAllah! 😀 ❤
June 12, 2013 at 8:30 pm
Thanks MHM. I’m humbled you think so.
June 11, 2013 at 9:52 pm
Salaam and thank you for this post. In general I agree with your views on not letting someone’s appearance decide your impression of their religiosity or level of taqwa.
There is one thing I can’t figure out though – when it comes to appearance, would you say there are different levels of adherence to what Allah and His Messenger (saws) told us? Or is every person’s interpretation equally correct/valid? If there are levels, what manner would you advocate this information be given to people in (as sincere advice, not judgment or condemnation)?
June 12, 2013 at 8:39 pm
Wasalaams Abdallah and thanks for commenting.
I think there are different interpretations as well as levels — each are equally valid for that person. If a person has decided to take a path towards modesty, not everyone grows a beard overnight or even wears Abaya instantly. Some might take it in stages, moving from 3/4 length sleeves to full sleeves, etc, when they feel comfortable doing so, if that’s what they decide for themselves.
Of all the things the Prophet (saw) emphasized and taught, as an ummah, we really seem to be obsessed with making sure women are covered correctly.
As for giving sincere advice, we have a guide of adab to follow — which is to lead by example. I have quite a few niqab I friends and occasionally attend hallaqas with teachers from Al-Huda Institute (who tend to be pro niqaabi
April 13, 2015 at 3:44 pm
Assalamu alaykum. I’ve watched a lot of videos on YouTube from two Islam reverts, and they have emphasized the message that modesty should probably be taken slowly, to give you time to get used to the new clothing, etc. One of the points they made, which I thought was excellent, was that to people who hadn’t been covering and are starting on that journey, it is the covering that may feel uncomfortable for them, rather than showing skin. So it’s important to praise people for what they do right, rather than take them down for what they’re not doing right, or otherwise becoming “haraam police”.
And as someone transitioning toward modesty myself, it’s very very difficult for me when someone even remotely critiques my dress. I mean, I am doing my very best, but I’m not made of money and I can’t change my entire wardrobe overnight. Plus, as a Western woman, I rather fancy Western clothing, and there is absolutely NO reason why, when mixed and matched properly, Western clothing cannot be halal. Because of where I live, as well, there is no even remotely easy access to any kind of Islamic clothing shops, so, again, I have to make do with what I have. I really can’t afford to spend $100+ on one abaya.
June 12, 2013 at 8:50 pm
Wasalaams Abdallah and thanks for commenting!
I think there are different interpretations or cultural variations as well as levels — each are equally valid for that person and their context. If a person has decided to take a path towards modesty, not everyone grows a beard overnight or even wears Abaya instantly. Some might take it in stages, moving from 3/4 length sleeves to full sleeves, etc, when they feel comfortable doing so, if covering is what they’ve decide for themselves.
As for giving sincere advice, we have a guide of adab to follow — which is to simply lead by example and let people decide the best way for themselves.
I have quite a few religiously niqaabi friends and occasionally attend halaqas with teachers from the Al-Huda Institute (who tend to be pro niqaabi). Out of all the dismissive comments I’ve received about my hijab, none have ever come from these friends. They welcome me and show me how to be a better person.
I also have a friend who doesn’t wear hijab — whose kind, humble manner, knowledge in religion and Qur’an puts me to shame. She inspires me to be more modest and to be a better Muslim.
I hope that answers your questions.
June 13, 2013 at 2:27 pm
Thank you for the reply. There is no excuse for guilt-tripping, being judgmental, dismissive, or being condemning in these matters.
I would like to point out a couple of things:
1) Validities of interpretations are measured by their evidences. Some interpretations can stand up on their own because they have textual backing, and some are weaker. If a Muslim, out of sincerity and friendship, wishes to make a case for an interpretation s/he thinks is stronger, then that should not be considered a “wrong” thing to do. Which brings me to my next point.
2) Leading by example and letting people decide for themselves is *one* way. This should not diminish the many other ways of giving advice we have that are established from the practice of the Prophet (saws). He continually exhorted his Companions to do something or not do something. The Qur’an commands us to enjoin the good and forbid the evil. Our history is filled with scholars and others advising their friends and communities and wanting the best for them.
I really think we need to move past the idea that nobody has the right to advise us about anything. We all have room for improvement – let’s find a nice way of doing it that doesn’t put other people down.
June 14, 2013 at 5:29 pm
This might get to be a bit rambling, so bear with me.
I think one of the problems with these memes is precisely that they *don’t* accommodate any discussion of different interpretations of what hijab means and what’s required. They set up this dichotomy where either a woman is wearing abaya and a big, enveloping scarf, or she is totally doing hijab wrong and is probably a hypocritical slut to boot. No room for Muslims to differ in good faith, and no real discussion of the lived experiences of actual women who wear (or don’t wear!) hijab.
Because no matter how sincerely one believes that a certain mode of wearing hijab is a definite religious requirement, if a woman is saying that she took it off for fear of violence in the midst of an Islamophobic backlash, or because she can’t handle the daily harassment she gets for being a woman of color and wearing clothes that are perceived as foreign, or because growing up with political oppression or familial abuse kind of killed her faith, or because she realized she was only wearing it to please other people and not for God, or that yes, she’s considered the evidence, and she just isn’t convinced that she has to wear it, or even just that she doesn’t wear it and doesn’t want to discuss her reasons? Well, then the correct move is to respect that she is a human being with agency and she is using that agency to make her own decisions.
Of course, when you’re talking to people face-to-face, you can adjust for their individual circumstances and support them wherever they happen to be, but these memes, by their very nature, are making broad generalizations and reaching a wide audience. So how they affect the people who are vulnerable and struggling with their faith matters an awful lot, and a lot of these memes are more likely to evoke shame followed by defensiveness, and at worst, a further weakening of iman, than they are to inspire a struggling Muslim to do better. Even if they’re correct on the legal points, is that really the effect we want to create?
Regarding encouraging and supporting other Muslims, I have some thoughts!
One of the most awesome things I ever saw on the internet was a handy little graphic on how to read the entire Qur’an in Ramadan, breaking it down into small goals. (Read five pages after every prayer? Sounds manageable!)
Another (not religion-related, but again, bear with me) was a campaign to promote breastfeeding, where the format was “Positive Statement About Breastfeeding+link with information, resources, and support to help people breastfeed successfully.” It was a great campaign because it wasn’t about pointing out what people were doing wrong, or even convincing people to breastfeed, but about helping people who weren’t sure to make an informed decision, and helping people who were sure access the support they’d need to breastfeed successfully.
I know that, for me, that sort of positive encouragement helps to strengthen my iman, and I am a million percent better as a person when I’m aspiring to do something good, rather than trying to get away from shame. Cool story about a Muslim woman who is doing something awesome while wearing hijab? I EAT THOSE RIGHT UP. I love them, because they make me feel like I, too, can do awesome things while wearing hijab. Inspiring quotes? Bring ’em on! Advice on small steps that any Muslim can take to do just a little bit better, without the pressure of trying to be perfect RITE NAO? Yes, please. I can’t do perfect, but I can definitely do better.
And when it comes to general posts on “How to Do X Correctly”: (where X could be any topic pertaining to religion; one of the problems for me is that the policing of hijab seems to disproportionate compared to other religious matters–prayer, charity, fasting, increasing our knowledge, relating better to our communities, engaging with social justice…there is so much more to talk about than whether women are wearing their scarves correctly for optimal control of stray hair strands!)
It’s much more helpful to include discussion on multiple interpretations, where they exist. Totally okay for the author of such an article to say, “I find the evidence for Y interpretation more convincing, and here are the reasons, but other scholars have stated that Z is permissible.” In fact, I think that makes an author read as *more* credible, and it shows that the author is extending the audience the courtesy of letting them make up their own minds.
tl;dr: There are plenty of respectful ways to enjoin good and forbid evil, but the vast majority of hijab/beard memes aren’t among them.
June 14, 2013 at 6:05 pm
@FloweryHedgehog – thanks for the interesting comment. Your points about individual circumstances are well-taken. However, those are exceptions, and one does not come to a broad decision based on the exceptions. What about the utility of information on the beard/hijab to those to whom none of the exceptions apply (which is usually the majority)?
In any case, I have no interest in making a case for the memes cited above, only in speaking up about this culture of “nobody has the right to tell me what to do or how to do it.” This paradigm of having ultimate personal freedom and choice does not gel with Islam – which by its very nature is based on ubudiyyah and on accepting Allah’s Lordship over us and the status of the Messenger (saws) in conveying His laws to us.
I cannot agree more with you on the level of importance we give to discussing beards/hijabs over other things that are arguably more important to spiritual growth and development.
June 12, 2013 at 7:49 pm
Great article written. I must say that it really irritates me whenever I see these online memes ostracizing and guilt-tripping those who don’t don the beard/headscarf. Who are they to judge us, and why should we let such silly online memes put us down? I think we should be encouraged to be ourselves and teach each other not to judge by looks, because looks CAN be deceiving.
All in all, I think these memes (especially the briliantly offensive ones) serve nothing more as slut-shaming cartoons, slut-shaming those who don’t have the stereotypical image of what a Muslim/ah is supposed to be.
June 14, 2013 at 3:01 pm
[…] This post was originally posted at wood turtle’s blog. […]
June 24, 2013 at 9:49 pm
If people are offended by these memes, they should think about why. I’m not saying that hijab = good muslim or that beard= religious brother. but it is a obligation.
second giving advice(naseeha) is something we muslims have to give each other!
The Messenger Muhammad (saw) said: ‘Ad deenu naseeha, ad deenu naseeha, ad deenu naseeha’ (Sahih Muslim) – The Deen is advice, the deen is advice, the deen is advice.
if people are offended by naseeha the sad truth is that they have a problem with their iman (if the naseeha is given right of course!!)
when it comes to “if she want’s to wear it or not” personal opinion have a small matter in this regard, Allah knows us better then we know our self, there is a wisdom behind hijab! we shouldn’t think that we know better whats best for us then Allah! on this matter we should put our trust in Allah, if things like fashion or dunya is keeping us back, then it is the iman that needs to be fixed – not the hijab.
But i agree with you, people today focus waaay to much on hijab, hijab is not the most important thing in islam, whats the point in wearing it if you don’t pray? in today’s society hijab unfortunately weighs more then salah and sawm..
July 18, 2013 at 7:27 pm
Yours is the best comment. There is no need to be upset if your Imaan is strong and you know what you are doing and why? We should be able to take naseeha but people giving naseeha should also follow the etiquettes of giving naseeha and memes are surely not the way to go especially when you are dealing with youth who are already struggling a lot to practice Islam. Hijab is an over rated item especially when it concerns covering the head only while rest of the body is more or less given into fashion trends. As for men in present time I think greatest challenge is to mind their eyes in public and private equally rather than grow a beard.
June 24, 2013 at 9:53 pm
I can’t see whats wrong with the pictures? they educate people on how their hijab is suppose to be as described in Qur’an and sunnah! I learned how to dress proper from images like that! there is NOTHING wrong in educating muslim in islam,
July 17, 2013 at 6:29 am
Dear Woodturtle… Great article… I will be discussing these memes and using your article, at my radio show in Betar Bangla. 1503 AM ( you can hear it online) at 2 – 3.30 pm today 🙂
July 17, 2013 at 12:02 pm
Brilliant! Thanks for letting me know. I was able to hear quite a bit — really interesting discussion you had. Especially about stereotypes within the Bengali community and the ideal Ramadan mom.
I’m honoured you mentioned me and this post. Thank you.
July 19, 2013 at 6:48 pm
beautifully written.
i seriously feel we should not be judgemental while dealing with others but commanding to do good is itself a quranic injuction.
hijab and beard are two important auspects of one’s islamic life. you cant ignore it.
moreover i feel your article is a result of LIBERAL/SECULAR ideologies that are slowly creeping into the muslim ummah.
I fear that these ideologies may lead one to disbelief.
may Allah give us all hidayah
July 22, 2013 at 9:55 am
[…] The serious, ridiculous, and potentially dangerous double standards for Muslim men and women with regards to “modesty” become even more distorted and […]
July 23, 2013 at 6:13 pm
Very very nice! I’m sure this will get all the Muslim to a genuine realization about proper wearing of hijab and having the beard.
August 3, 2013 at 6:16 pm
This article and its subsequent discussion has made me realize how important it is to not only know and understand Quraan and Sunnah but to understand the Prophet (pbuh’s) personality and how he approached people. Also the reaction and attitude the great female and male companions (may Allah be pleased with them) exhibited when they received his teachings. He dealt with so many people and they were all different in so many ways. If we really spend some of our time learning from them, and their interactions with one another we can truly benefit. We can apply that knowledge to how we as a Muslim community can interact with one another as well as the other communities . The attitude, type of personality, approach we must have with one another as human beings is so vital to fixing some of our greatest problems.
I like FloweryHedgehog’s comment:
“Advice on small steps that any Muslim can take to do just a little bit better, without the pressure of trying to be perfect RITE NAO? Yes, please. I can’t do perfect, but I can definitely do better.”
“It was a great campaign because it wasn’t about pointing out what people were doing wrong, or even convincing people […] but about helping people who weren’t sure to make an informed decision, and helping people who were sure access the support ”
I completely agree! We shouldn’t waste our time with telling people what to do, but rather working to help one another by giving good advice, and being helpful! We should leave room for discussion and understanding that each of us are formed from our unique experiences, and that just because one person sees something a certain way, that doesn’t mean that we all automatically see it that way or should do that!
August 6, 2013 at 1:35 pm
Though many “haram police” can be offensive, it seems these days Muslims are offended by any type of discussion about proper religious observance.
It is definitely rude to publicly call someone out for what they’re wearing or to ostracize them in any way – emotionally and socially. The best way to lead someone to religious observance is really by setting an example and helping people grow spiritually. It’s also true that arguing for hijab by asking women to be merciful to men is highly demoralizing and it, your right, does over-sexualize women.
On the other hand, what is wrong with a person discussing the fact that an ordinary non-hijabi outfit looks quite the bit less eye-catching than this: skin-tight pants, a loose but arm-showing shirt, an artificially huge bun on top of the head with bangs conveniently flushed over the forehead, and a load of makeup with pair of puckered lips — of yeah, and a scarf wrapped around the head.
In other words, the discussion should be about the concept of modesty that hijab is supposed to represent. If that concept is being violated, why wouldn’t people be able to show that in speeches, discussions, in books, on blogs, and even in memes? And since when was it Islamically wrong to say that Shaytan leads people astray from following Islamic principles? Aversion from any Islamic obligation is from Shaytan. Is that news?
It’s not about there being only one type of hijab, either. Obviously there are different cultural expressions of clothing, each of which can possibly fit into the schema of hijab. Nor is a man having a beard the same type of commitment as a woman wearing hijab, so why would you expect that “beard fear-mongering” be equivalent to “hijab fear-mongering”? I think the average woman should feel offended that anyone would think growing a beard – something men of all stripes and religious and non-religious backgrounds do all the time – is comparable to the struggle of maintaining hijab, especially in a non-Muslim environment.
Though “fear-mongering” isn’t the best way to approach the topic, let me ask: What’s your solution? Because nowadays, even positive encouragement is deemed too pushy and intrusive. Any effort to talk about “correct hijab” is taken offensively, no matter how it’s put. Is your solution to sit back and keep repeating, “my body, my business” and “look at your own faults, don’t dare correct us.” Because if that’s the case, then there is no point in ever correcting any behavior that violates Islamic principles and obligations. People can’t just keep getting offended every time someone has something to say about a general trend observed with many Muslims. Sometimes the onus is on us to toughen up and listen to what others are saying, because maybe they actually have a point. Sometimes we forget that when we preach “introspection”, that includes us too — what about what WE’re doing?
August 6, 2013 at 2:23 pm
I also want to add an interesting observation:
Hijab, according to the traditional perspective, is mandatory upon reaching puberty. This shows to me that hijab, much like fasting and prayer, is actually intended to be taught, instructed, and encouraged early on as a basic form of religious observation. But nowadays, if people see a 12-year-old wearing hijab, they might object to it because they feel the girl has been unduly forced or oppressed. This is because our culture allows us to value complete autonomy over everything else, such that religious advise or teaching religion is perceived as violating another’s rights. If taken conceptually, what it really means is that nobody has the right to ask anyone to do anything. Yet we know that the Prophet instructed people, and he told his followers to instruct their families and others to follow religious commandments. If we’re going to be offended by that, then why not also be offended by parents instructing their kids to perform salat? Why not be offended that shaykhs at halaqas instruct people to pray on time and with concentration, and that they discuss both the religious benefits and repercussions a Muslim can expect from their choices?
February 4, 2014 at 4:18 pm
[…] should make you uncomfortable (hint: because infantalizing ANYONE on the basis of faith or in the name of piety sucks), and while hijab tourism, appropriation and World Hijab Day came and went with a fabulous […]
May 28, 2016 at 7:16 am
I don’t have any beard as genetically doesn’t. It’s okay for me for having no beard as I keep my faith in my heart. Allah knows best about me, though I have no beard…just some moustaches. No problem.